Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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