I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
