When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
