When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
