it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
