hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
