Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
