So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
