Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
