I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
