Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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