yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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