wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
