Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
