Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
