"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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