I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
