Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
