Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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