new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pants are for mortals
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
