You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
