oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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