Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
