I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
