she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i think my cat just said my name.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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