I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
