remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
