Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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