She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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