My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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