You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
