I heard we made out
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
