Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
