I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
