I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
