The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
