Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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