So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
