How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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