I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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