honey bunches of taint.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
