That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
