My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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