yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
