i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
