God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
