just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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