"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
