walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
