my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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