I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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