I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
