i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
