Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
